I popped my head up for  moment, a brief passing second in the reality of my span, a time so insignificant it really shouldn’t have had any impact on me at all and yet here I am being pushed by forces into some catharsis I don’t rightly welcome. I don’t know my chromosomal make up,…

Got a bit stoned, couldn’t be bothered to finish

This debate  around Caster Semenya has done my nut in, I try to be objective but I can’t it’s upsetting at how people that have no idea if they chromosomally pure talking like they are. Twitter it seems is split into certain categories, the knowledgeable, this doesn’t include me, whatever I say has no science…

what’s that coming over the hill

Since my crash I’ve struggled with the rehab and the quitting of being active, I have a thought of “ what’s the point”, why am I riding a bike when really my legs in 5 years could well be useless, I struggle hard with it, I cry so much when I consider my future, it…

Dear IOC, UCI, IAAF

I am not a Doctor. I am not an endocrinologist. I’m not even a sports scientist or personal trainer so technically I know nothing; But to Quote J-Zay “ I know a little bit”. I went into transition at fighting weight 198lbs or 90kilo it’s only recently that I hit my target weight of 65kilos…

It’s a mess

Trans twitter spasms are quite common these days, there’s a transphobe list and I’ve been put on it by Dr Racheal McKinnon,  sadly, I’m blocked I’m not a big enough Twitter nerd to figure out how to get those old tweets or I’d paste them. Mckinnon, was also suspended from twitter after posting words to…

Ramblings from a brain damaged woman procrastinating

Talks about brain damage and killing yourself along with personality changes from a personal point of view Unless you’re one of the super rich money hoarders the two constants in life are death and taxes, sometimes for some people death comes all too soon and sometimes we even kill ourselves. We don’t pass on, we…

Trans / intersex in Sport

Bit stonned – contains oversharing, bad grammar, and spelling Trans women in sport has been a hot topic this week after comments made by Sharron Davis and given I was born a hermaphrodite and transitioned late in life I think I’m more than entitled to an opinion. Firstly people need to stop lumping Intersex athletes…

#TheTeamThatRefusedToDie

I love Trek bikes, I’ve written of my adoration of the 2019 Madone and I could quite happily give up sex if it meant owning that bike. You might think that’s a bit much but I’m a single 45 year old lesbian with two cats, it’s not like there’s a queue of women round the…

What the therapist thinks of me.

I need a change in attitude, I wonder if I was as hard on those that worked under my supervision as I am on myself. Some interesting things have come in therapy and I’ve had my mind blown apart by the thought processes resulting in ……. I am my own abuser, fucking weird right ?…

oh my day’s this might almost be positive

Recovering my professional skill set is more is more involved that just working towards being able to use the software again it’s also about emotional management, it forces me to literally talk to myself trying to understand that thing in my head that make me want to break my shit. I never had that anger…

Running on a broken leg

Some have said that I’m over reacting to my brain damage, I’ve had a doctor tell me that as I was higher functioning before the crash what I’ve lost isn’t really that much of a loss as I still function well. The NHS isn’t equipped to handle the problem, it seems that the NHS is…

The year ahead

This year is going to be either a wonderful year of small successes leading to an overall fizzing glow of self satisfaction, or an unmitigated disaster in which I actually lose nothing, even a non gambler would take those odds It’s taken me two and a quarter years to realise that I wasn’t either managing…