Ramblings from a brain damaged woman procrastinating

Talks about brain damage and killing yourself along with personality changes from a personal point of view Unless you’re one of the super rich money hoarders the two constants in life are death and taxes, sometimes for some people death comes all too soon and sometimes we even kill ourselves. We don’t pass on, we…

Trans / intersex in Sport

Bit stonned – contains oversharing, bad grammar, and spelling Trans women in sport has been a hot topic this week after comments made by Sharron Davis and given I was born a hermaphrodite and transitioned late in life I think I’m more than entitled to an opinion. Firstly people need to stop lumping Intersex athletes…

#TheTeamThatRefusedToDie

I love Trek bikes, I’ve written of my adoration of the 2019 Madone and I could quite happily give up sex if it meant owning that bike. You might think that’s a bit much but I’m a single 45 year old lesbian with two cats, it’s not like there’s a queue of women round the…

What the therapist thinks of me.

I need a change in attitude, I wonder if I was as hard on those that worked under my supervision as I am on myself. Some interesting things have come in therapy and I’ve had my mind blown apart by the thought processes resulting in ……. I am my own abuser, fucking weird right ?…

oh my day’s this might almost be positive

Recovering my professional skill set is more is more involved that just working towards being able to use the software again it’s also about emotional management, it forces me to literally talk to myself trying to understand that thing in my head that make me want to break my shit. I never had that anger…

Running on a broken leg

Some have said that I’m over reacting to my brain damage, I’ve had a doctor tell me that as I was higher functioning before the crash what I’ve lost isn’t really that much of a loss as I still function well. The NHS isn’t equipped to handle the problem, it seems that the NHS is…

The year ahead

This year is going to be either a wonderful year of small successes leading to an overall fizzing glow of self satisfaction, or an unmitigated disaster in which I actually lose nothing, even a non gambler would take those odds It’s taken me two and a quarter years to realise that I wasn’t either managing…

David Millar for CPA

David Millar has decided to run for the head of the CPA, the organisation that’s supposed to represent cyclists but doesn’t allow cyclists to vote in any meaningful or easy way and from looking at twitter the riders are sick of getting screwed over. I am not a Millar fan and there have been the…

Larry and Conor’s excellent adventure.

Cycling is an odd old sport, the fans, like me, can be slightly argumentative over things as simple as a rider crashing and having his back wheel spin while he picks up his ride sending twitter into a mild spasm as we fight over stupid claims of motor doping, it happened this year with Toms…

A bit of a TREK

It’s eight months since I tried to kill myself and the police arrested me and tried to have two male officers strip search me because they said I was a man, meaning that I didn’t meet their expectations of what a woman should look like. This led me to take to legal action and I…

the last post

I’m losing the plot, for five days I tried to get hold of my NHS appointed mental health worker and there was no one there, asking for help at the moment of bleakness isn’t something that I’m used to but for some reason after I cleaned the flat so people didn’t think I lived in…

Time to stop being shit

I’ve had a peek behind the curtain of a life without cycling and I don’t like it. I think it’s been three weeks since the heart spasm and I’ve achieved a lot of things around the home, I am a home maker, I get a fizz out of taking one step closer to the flat…