Deferred.

I’ve withdrawn from the Prudential Ride London 100 while the doctors figure out what’s going on with my heart and everything else.

I can’t breathe, I have no energy and I collapsed at the weekend landing back in hospital being poked and prodded, more ECG and those auto blood pressure cuff things really do hurt, fuck the accuracy, I want a doctor with a bedside manner who won’t leave bruising around my upper arm.

I’m a bit fed up, another year where I’m not really riding, I fought like fuck to not end up in a wheelchair after my crash, I fight with my brain damage every single day and now the thing that kept me moving forward feel like its being taken from me.

I look at the disbelief on the faces of the doctors while explain that I can still pedal while my heart is bouncing on 197 with pins and needles in my shoulders and being a little light headed; the paramedic who took me to hospital said “ I can’t remember ever seeing a heart rate be that fast” in relation to the ECG he took.

It feels like something is slowly chipping away at me , knocking bits off and I’m feeling more than a little frustrated.

I had my thyroid checked, apparently that can cause a whole load of problems but it turns out it’s OK, my blood work is fine, hormones are fine.

I had such hopes for this year and maybe I was a little optimistic in my expectations of recovery from my broken spine and brain damage, perhaps I set myself up for failure, perhaps it’s all my fault, either way I’ve deferred the RideLondon until next year, that’s if I still have a bike at all.

For Sale ( possibly )

Specialized Tarmac

Powertap pedals

Mavic cosmic pro wheels

Garmin

Rotor ALDHU3D+ crankset

Ultegra Di2 with syncro shift updates

Spare cranks, rings (round and oval), Bottom brackets, saddle and wider bars should you need them

 

I really am struggling, the situation make me weep.

 

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