Way Out.

If you believe that American small handed orange faced gibbon you might believe that the NHS is on its knees, of course he wants to say that because the US medical system is shit and only caters to those with money.

On Tuesday while out playing bike my heart rate spiked at 237 bpm and it’s quite an odd sensation, it’s not just an increased heart rate, as cyclists we know that going in the red will bonk us out, we have an understanding relationship between heart rate and power output.

Trying to accelerate over a small hump in the road, I know that at 190 bpm I can still pedal and recover as the road flattens out.

My heart rate spike was on the flat, I was having a bimble through Earlsfield which could never be considered a fast road and my heart rate was an even 130 bpm and then bang the spike hit, the odd fluttering fibrillation was odd enough that I had to stop, get off the road and go sit down on the pavement.

Arriving home, I found that my HRM had caught the spike perfectly and took a screen grab to the GP who without hesitation sent me with a clutch of referrals for chest x-ray, blood work, and an ECG.

The ECG, came back with a possible left atrial enlargement, the X-ray didn’t show any visible issue and the conversation progressed to investigation of the mitral valve. It was suggested that I don’t ride for a bit.

If you read this blog, you’ll know I’m considering jacking cycling in, it’s become too expensive for me and since breaking my spine and now I have the perfect excuse and a doctor’s note basically encouraging me to quit.

If it’s not one thing it’s another, I pancaked a wheel on a pothole, can’t afford a new wheel so I borrowed one from the chap up the road, couldn’t afford new tires and chap from twitter sent me two, my spine is taking a hit at every bump and it’s been suggested that a zert CX seat post and a new saddle would help that , cost £325 that I don’t have.

Cycling is painful, but I do keep plugging away and in a perfect world I would love to take the training I’m doing for the ride 100 and follow through into 2019 trying to ride as many gran fondo’s in one year in the UK as I can but that’s a whole other level of money I don’t have.

This year I do have some compensation payments coming through in the value of tens of thousands my choice is do I potentially waste that on bike stuff; the parts that I need to get my broken body working easier deploying tech to make my biomechanical relationship less painful and some sports goo stuff, I got a 30% discount from OTE which only highlighted how overpriced sports supplements are.

Then if I am going to follow through with the how many 100mile sportives I can do in one year I’ll have to ride through winter which means winter kit and that ain’t cheap either.

I have the perfect “ get out of cycling free card”, I can justify it to myself and I have a doctors note, problem is there’s something deep within me that loves being on a bike and I have to weigh up the cost to my mental health, because of my ever decreasing life, sometimes being on a bike is the only reason I leave the house.

My mental health support people are here today to talk about my suicide ideation, the confusion I have over things and whatever, not working is still fucking me over mentally being human scrap without purpose is perhaps the most negative experience of my life, really I feel worse about not working than I do about my dad fucking me.



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