Bertie, my brain based blood clot.

Out of all the damage I went through in my crash, Bertie, my brain based blood clot is the most forgettable.

My brain damage make me forgetful anyway about most day-to-day things that require me live in a post-it note world and not one of those sticky yellow paper squares contained any instructions from either my neuro specialist or the surgeons involved in my treatment and it wasn’t until I received a surgical notice that I remembered the instruction letter which I dug out to re-read.

I was allowed, in fact encouraged to ride my bike to assist in my spine rehab while following my physical rehab plan; easy riding.

What triggered the hunt was a letter that plopped on my doormat saying I was scheduled to have a man drill a wee hole in my head while I’m awake and take Bertie away, I’m terrified, I wonder what it feel like to have that vibration of a drill on your scalp or the smell.

Seriously I value my brain and while it’s not as good as it was and has a couple of problems I don’t need it to be any worse and while I know that the surgeon has most probably done this more than a few times if I think about it, and I can’t help thinking about it I feel physically ill.

What happens if like drilling through brickwork when you hit the wall cavity and the drill pushes into the void quickly with too much force, can that happen with my head? I have thoughts of the cheap B-movie horror flick  Driller Killer.

I keep telling myself not to be stupid and I’ve watch YouTube clips of brain surgery with a woman playing a violin or having a conversation so I know I can be done safely but medically brain knowledge is quite low, they’re still working out many things about our noodles, I just don’t want to end up being stroodled.

This is hopefully my last operation, my body is tired, my will if flagging slightly tired of recovery from both the crash and the surgery, I’m worn down but still trying to move forward with both my riding and my recovery but now I’ll need a while off the bike to recover from this last operation and that, yet again is going wreck my fitness.

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