Having read the tragic news of a woman dying moments after taking a selfie and it being in the news with the police saying that she most probably would have lived had she been wearing a helmet I can’t help think how lucky I am following my last crash.
I’ve never had brain damage before, I really do value my brain and it’s by far my best feature but lately things have changed.
Since hitting the kerb orbital rim first with enough velocity to cause haemorrhaging in my left orbit lobe. Now I’ve got a life time of risk taking and bad choices but these days I find myself having to talk myself down from doing something, I have a reduction in my impulse control, I also have problems remembering numbers related stuff so postal code, national insurance number, numbers from my cards so I never had to take them out when online shopping all of that I could stuff back in really quickly but the big one is I can’t remember how to use 3D Max as I used to which means I’ve in effect lost 10 years of all those pro tricks you pick up through a long career.
Losing my career is a big think to me and I’ve cried a lot about it, I don’t want to lose that really cool job that I’ve always wanted to do since I was a child building models from box board and glue, back in the days when parents let their children use craft knives without having and EMT on standby. I spend three or four hours a day working in it and it’s tedious as hell but I hope that I wake up one day and it all clicks in. I look at my past work and I could never produce that quality so my portfolio is useless, I’m also in the statistically prove ‘past her best ’ bracket and who the fuck is going to employ a brain damaged designer.
I lose focus on things, I used to be able to pull 14 hour stonner days on a project that I was really into, now I have the concentration span of a ten year old but even that’s better than It was so I live in hope there, overall I feel slightly askew. I’m still having banging headaches and random nausea but even that’s an improvement on the vertigo and projectile voms.
Everyone knows the risks when it comes to not wearing a lid and some will accept those risks and ride with their hair in the wind, I don’t think there needs to be any specific change in legislation forcing people to wear them, and as for the young kids that die with head injuries, it shouldn’t take a law change so parents become aware of the risks, common sense I would have thought.
Moving forward I have to consider how lucky I’ve been, I’ve only crashed twice in 30 years of riding and I’ve never worn a helmet but I will be from now on but I’ll also be moving from road to track and perhaps when the list of surgeries are recovered from I may get into doing TTs but as for riding on the roads I’ll keep it to my touring bike on flat pedals